Monday, September 6, 2010


Monday's will begin to look a little different around here. I've blogged for a time, stopped for a time, and then began again. I have had good times, bad times, and in between times. I can honesty say that I have spent more time bouncing back and forth between the bad and the in between times, and less time focusing on the good times. They are there--definitely there--but I tend to lose my focus.

I do not suffer from the "have nots". Through a very long learning process, I've come to realize that what I do not have I basically do not need.

What I do suffer from is the "just nots"--the just not rights, the just not good enoughs, the just not 'perfect' enough, the just not worthy enough for God to love me. I know in my heart that He does truly love me, but from time to time I slip back into these patterns--old tapes playing over and over in my mind......lies.....lies told to me by others and then used by Satan to try to bring me down.

Unfortunately, it is very easy to believe these lies.....having been told them by those who meant a lot to me....those who should have loved me unconditionally and did not.....those that I loved.

I am healing.....slowly healing....learning to replace these lies with the truths from God.

I sometimes find myself overreacting to situations or words spoken by others.....situations and words that take me back to places that I thought I had put aside....places that I thought were healed....obviously they are not totally gone.

I have tried to take the word "why" out of my vocabulary because sometimes there isn't an answer just within my grasp. Only God knows the answer to all of my "whys". So, I rest in the assurance that there are reasons for my "whys", and perhaps I don't need to know right at this very moment.

And so, I begin again...

As I'm looking around the world of blogging, I discovered a blog that I had not seen before. This is Holy Experience. And in this blog I found the "Gratitude Community".

Yes, I am thankful. Yes, I know of all the blessings that God has bestowed upon me....the very obvious blessings. But, have I thanked Him for all of these blessings? Sadly, I can say that the answer is "no".

Blessings come in all sizes--from the smallest to the largest. And so the Gratitude Community.

There are a few suggestions listed in this blog regarding your own list of gratitudes:

1. Pray that He will open the eyes of your heart.

2. Begin giving thanks for the daily washing in the fountain of His gifts--a scrap of paper or journal. Notice and write down from the obvious to the little. And begin to feel more joy, less stress, better health, more connected in your relationships, and more delight in your everyday life.

There is more detail regarding this at the Gratitude Community. If you are feeling as I do sometimes, if you just want to really be thankful and grateful for all that you do experience every day, if you want to feel more joyful and less stress, if you want to find wonderment in your life every day, I would suggest stopping by and reading some of the posts and lists of thankfulness.

Today, I begin my own list. I've kept a 'gratitude journal' in the past. But, this is a new list--starting this morning.

holy experience
1. Lydia's laughter and her dimple in her left cheek.
2. Friends who care for me deeply and understand and do not care if I cry....cry in times of
sadness, happiness or for no reason at all. These tears have been held back for too long
and I am thankful that my emotions have returned.
3. After a particularly stressful morning at work, I walked outside during lunch. There was
an orange and black Monarch butterfly just sitting on a bush. I walked closely towards it,
and it did not fly away. I thanked God for showing me this, and the realization came
upon my that I am a new creation in Jesus Christ--not just on the day I accepted Him
as my Savior, but each and every moment of my life.
4. A very blue sky with puffy white clouds.
5. Sitting on my deck each morning with a cup of coffee and watching the world come alive.
6. A spider web--intricately woven--with drops of dew hanging from it. An awe-inspiring
7. My love of music--a gift from God--and how He speaks to me so often through music.
Thank You, God for showing me these things and opening my heart and eyes. I pray that You will continue to point me to You through the beauty of Your creation, Your people, Your very presence in my life, and replace the lies with Your truths.
And the list will continue on next Monday.......

1 comment:

pam said...

WOW...this is a GREAT start. Praying He continues to purge your mind of the "just nots". Recently I sat down and pretended a few people were sitting in front of me. I TOLD them everything that came pouring out of my they had hurt me, let me down...whatever. Then choosing to forgive, asking God to forgive me and to totally root out any bitterness I released it all to Him. It was so holding back because of any "should" attitudes I believe I "should" have as a Christian. Nope...I let it rip and got it out. It was wonderful. Praying He sets you free to embrace the truth of His love....I so understand how it can be hard to believe. Praying for you! And YAY for these lists we have begun.