Thursday, July 31, 2008

Thursday--it's been a long week--even though I only worked half-days every day but today because of the youngest being here from Texas. And, tomorrow--YEAH!!!---I don't have to go to work at all!!

I'll be so glad to have a day away from the workplace. It's just been crazier than usual--trying to train a new person, school physicals, sports physicals, and the never-ending sinus problems and allergies.

I don't know what we're going to do tomorrow, but we're going to do something fun--I can guarantee that!! I'll be sure to take my camera in case I see anything interesting.

My young Texas transplant always like to cook a meal while she's visiting, so tonight was the night. She made chicken parmesan, zucchini with a tomato, cheese and garlic sauce and garlic breadknots. She's turned into quite the good cook!! All three kids were here for dinner, and it was nice to be all together once again.

Tonight the kids are off to the river to spend some time with friends. One of their friend's parents have a pontoon boat, and it should be a beautiful night to cruise up and down the river.

Me?--I'm going to finish a couple of projects I have sitting around just waiting for me. I have decided that I need to finish up some things before I start anything new. That's always hard for me because I see a project and want to get started on it right away. Then, before I know it I have too many things to finish, and I don't know where to begin again!!

And, those socks!! They're going to wait until my daughter leaves to go home. That way I'll have some time to concentrate on what I'm doing.

K--that's all for a while!!


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Fun, Food and Fellowship

Monday evening was my Small Group picnic. We had such a good time. A lot of good conversation, laughing, and we even played on the playground. My group decided to invite another group so we could get to know some new people.

Our church has gotten to be very large--growing from approximately 60 people seven years ago to a weekly attendance of about 1000 now.

That is why the Small Groups are so important--to help maintain the closeness of the church, a place where you can be safe and share your concerns, your praises, learn and study God's word and what it means in your life today.

Here's a few pics from the picnic:

This is my son. Yes, he is 27 years old, and he's riding one of the tiny ponies for little kids. Looks like he's really enjoying it though!!

This is my youngest, visiting from Texas, sliding down the firepole!

And a beautiful sunset at the end of our day!!!

Who could ask for more?

K--that's all for a while!


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

From Darkness Into Light

There was a question posed on the Internet Cafe last week: " What would the title of the book of your life be?" As you can see from my title for this evening and the post below, my title would be
"From Darkness Into Light".

As I said yesterday, this will probably be a little long, and I can guarantee that this will be very personal, so please bear with me.

First of all, I want everyone to understand that I was raised with religious "beliefs". However, I had no real "relationship" with God. I believed in God, I believed that Jesus died for me for forgiveness of my sins, but beyond that there was no feelings attached to this.

My life was a confusion at times. My father died when I was 8 years old. I don't have many memories of him. My mother remarried when I was 12. She married a wonderful man, a man I was proud to call my father.

However, when I was 9 years old, the summer after my father passed away, I was sexually molested by a stranger in a parking lot. I was so frightened. I had been left in the car alone while my mother shopped. I told her of this molestation, and she contacted a relative who was a policeman. The answer to this was not to speak of it any further. In my family, if you didn't talk about something, then it just never happened.

Things went along smoothly for a while until I was about 11. My cousin who was 4 years older than me decided that I would be a good practice for him for his sexual education. I just went along with this. I didn't see anything wrong with this. After all, the stranger had had no repercussions from his actions, so why was this any different?

My cousin and I continued in our sexual promiscuity for approximately 2 years. At this time, he started dating and having girlfriends, so I was no longer needed for this purpose.

I was a troublemaker in school--skipping days and classes whenever I could. I drank alcohol during school, set off fireworks in the auditorium until the whole room was filled with smoke, and still no one did anything. I realize now that I was crying out, "Look at me--Would someone please pay attention to me--I'm lonely--I'm scared--I need help." But no one answered and no one listened.

I married shortly after my 19th birthday to a man who was 5 years older than me. My parents thought this was a wonderful idea--probably this was viewed as a way to get me out of their hair, and I truly think that they felt that an older influence might settle me down. We moved to another state, not far from my family, but far enough that I didn't see them much.

This did settle me down for a little while, and then this marriage ended very abruptly when my then husband decided that he didn't love me any longer, didn't need me in his life. I just moved on--onto bars, drugs, as much alcohol as I could get my hands on. Life was a big party, and any excuse was given to party. It's Tuesday, so we party--it's cold outside so we party, and on and on.

During this time, I stopped eating completely. I dropped to 90 pounds, and I thought I looked okay. My father saw me once during this period, and he told me I looked like a skeleton with skin. I took that as insult and continued in my not eating. I was on the "liquids" (alcohol) only diet!

I met my second husband in a bar. I took him home with me that night, and he never left. We were truly in lust. We lived together for 2 years, and I became pregnant with my son. We were both very happy about this and decided that marriage was the proper thing to do. I stopped partying, and he continued.

Eighteen months after my son was born, my first daughter was born, and then 19 months after her my second daughter was born. I was starting to party--just a little--in between pregnancies. When my youngest child was only a few weeks old, some friends came to visit. I was so messed up! I looked at my baby laying there sleeping, and I had the presence of mind to think--"If something happened to one of these children, would you be able to handle the situation?" And my answer to myself was, "No." I decided then and there that I would stop partying, be the mother that my children deserved to have, and I did just that.

However, my husband continued in his downfall. He went from pot, to painkillers, to heroin, to crack. In and out of rehabs numerous times, he would be clean for a short period ot time and then right back to the drugs. The abuse escalated--verbal, emotional, and physical. I kept no cash in the house because it would have been taken for drugs. My daughters and I slept with our purses around our necks so that nothing could be taken from us. My checkbook was in between the mattress and boxspring, and I slept on top of it. Checks had been taken from me, forged, and still I did nothing. I was too afraid.

During this time, I confided in no one. Absolutely no one knew what was occuring in my life--not my co-workers, not my family. I had no friends because I was ashamed of my situation, and I certainly didn't want any of them involved in my life.

I went into a deep depression and was hospitalized twice. Each time my husband told the doctors at the hospital that things would be different when I came home. And they were different--they were worse if that could even be possible.

My youngest was 13 years old when I finally decided that I could take no more. My two daughters and I moved into an apartment. I still remember the first night there and thinking that this must be what peace was like. My son decided to stay with his father (heartbreaking to me), but he felt that he could "fix" him. About 6 months later, he came knocking on my door one night, asking if he could live with me--he could take no more.

During this time at our first apartment, my husband was still living in our home. This house was repossessed. My car was repossessed. He had taken a loan and used the car for collateral without my knowledge. I was going downhill financially at a rate that defies human nature.

Then, my husband came to me--telling me that he was clean from drugs, he wanted to try to make us a family. And, I, being so downtrodden, both mentally, physically and financially, fell for this. So, I invited him back into my life. It wasn't too long when I realized that this was all lies.

The drug use escalated to a point where there was no money for bills, no money for food, no money for anything. My children were exposed to things that children of any age should never be exposed to. I call them children, but by this time they were actually young adults.

My youngest had been working since the age of 15, saving every penny she earned so that she could go to college. Her father emptied her bank account of over $6,000--all for his drug habit.

I was getting more and more depressed. I spent most of my time in bed, unable to do anything. Death was looking nicer and nicer to me. My mind was playing tricks on me, telling me that death had to be better than this life.

So, I chose death. I took handfuls of pills--blood pressure medications, sedatives, anything I could get my hands on. My son found me and took me to the hospital. I remember riding in the elevator there, and the doctor saying to me that I was an intensive care case just waiting to happen.

The doctors were most concerned with the amount of blood pressure medication I had taken--more so than the sedatives. I was on a 24 hour watch--someone sitting outside my room which had a glass wall--watching and monitoring me through the night.

An odd thing happened--my blood pressure never dropped, my pulse rate never dropped. I felt absolutely no different than I had before I had taken all of these pills--except for the fact that for some reason I felt hope. How could I feel hope in the midst of all of this??

Then a co-worker reached out to me and invited me to her church. I told her I couldn't go--I had no "church clothes". She told me that was okay--this was a very casual church--people wearing jeans, tee shirts, shorts during the summer. She saw my anger, my bitterness and God spoke to her and told her to reach out to me. I am so thankful that she was obedient to what God was asking her to do. I know it wasn't easy for her--I was very unapproachable about anything at that time.

I stood her up that first Sunday--I just didn't show. She didn't reproach me for this, just said we'll try for next week. The next week I did go, and God touched me that day. He has been holding onto me all this time. He has never let go of me--I was the one letting go of Him.

My journey has not been an easy one. But, I now know that God is always there for me. He has provided for me in ways I could never even begin to imagine. He is my focus in this life, my first thoughts in the morning, throughout my day, my last thoughts in the evening.

I had not cried in years. All of my emotions were on hold. Now, I cry easily. I cry when I think of Jesus suffering for me. I cry when I think of how much God loves me in spite of myself.

I left my husband for the last and final time just 4 years ago. But, the wondrous love of God has allowed me to forgive him. All the anger, all the bitterness is gone and has been replaced with a peace and calm--the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Are there still problems in my life? Do I still face obstactles on a daily basis? Of course, I do. But now I rely on God, reach out to Him, pray to Him, talk things over with Him, and my solution to these problems are His solutions, not my own.

I have surrendered my life to God. I am His servant, and I pray that I am obedient, that I allow His will to work in my life.

My greatest prayer is that my children will come to love our Lord, know of His love for them which is even greater than my own love for them. Will you pray for them with me? I know that they have each been hurt--each in different ways--not only by their father, but also by me. God has forgiven me and so have they. They each still have many issues to deal with, and God is their answer.

God has brought me from the darkness into His light. Life was difficult, but I know that God was watching over me, waiting for me, and He once again used evil for good for His purpose. I am here now, God, and I will never turn my face from you again.

Thanks for being patient, reading all of this. I know that it was long, but it was important for me to put this into writing once and for all.

Always in Christ,


The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made........Psalm 145:8-9

Monday, July 28, 2008

Just Today

Just a quick note for today--I'm on my way out to my Small Group picnic. All three of my kids are coming along, and I'm so happy!! They are all 3 what I call "seekers"--seeking the truth and yet not quite believing yet. I'm glad they'll be with a lot of believers so that they can feel the care and love that we have for one another.

Tomorrow--I'll be starting that sock again!! And, I'm also going to be answering the question posed on Friday on the Internet Cafe--What would the title of the book of your life be? This may be a little long, and I know it will be very personal. So, stay tuned until tomorrow.

K--that's all for a while!


Sunday, July 27, 2008

Dishcloth Exchange

I belong to a group called "The Gathering Room". Every month they host several exchanges. This month I joined the dishcloth exchange.

I received my surprise from my exchange partner on Friday. Here's a picture of what I received:

Three beautiful dishcloths--the teal one is in a pinwheel design, the rose colored one is a rectangular shape with a ruffle on either end. the green one is made of Japanese yarn that is treated with silver ions to help prevent the dishcloth from getting "stinky". And, to top that off, my partner sent me some of the Japanese yarn to try in pink. I also received some body balm in raspberry guava (hmmm.....smells so nice) and natural spring. I tried the raspberry guava today, and my skin just feels so soft. I think I'm going to have to ask her where she bought this and get some for myself.

On the home front--my youngest daughter flew in from Texas last evening at midnight. She's only here until Friday, and then I won't see her again until Christmas. I just don't think she realizes how much I miss her, even though I tell her all the time.

She's lived in Texas for just about 4 years now, and I'm proud of her. She's made it on her own--working and going to school. She's happy there, so I am happy for her.

Tomorrow night is my Small Group picnic. So far, two of my three kids are going. Hopefully, the third will follow suit. I think it will be good for all of them to be around these wonderful people--people who love and care unconditionally.

My children have been through so much growing up that I am amazed that they are strong and basically self-sufficient. Not that there aren't still issues that they each haven't dealt with--there are. But, each will have to deal with their own issues in their own time--when they are ready to face the truth, face the reality of past situations, and finally just let it go.

K-that's all for a while!


Thursday, July 24, 2008

Disaster Has Struck!

See the beginnings of my sock in the post below? See the innocent looking kitten also in the post below?

I had almost finished my first sock--just completing the cable/lace pattern on the instep. I foolishly left it some where that Miles had full availablity. When I came home from work yesterday, I walked in my front door. And what did I see? (I just couldn't even begin to bring myself to take a picture of this, but now I think I should have).

There was my sock--completely unraveled--through the living room, through the dining room, through the kitchen, through the bathroom, through the bedroom--winding in and out of chair legs, around the kitties' water dish, into the clothes hamper (YES, into the clothes hamper!!).

I have to admit that this disaster is completely my fault. Miles knows not to bother with yarn when I'm knitting. But, I think he saw it sitting there, knew I wasn't around to reprimand him, and he just decided to have himself a lot of fun.

After tracking and unwinding the yarn from all its various places, rolling it up into a ball and locating all 5 bamboo needles (luckily, he didn't chew them to pieces--I don't think bamboo pieces would be very good for his tummy), I just didn't even have the heart to start this again yesterday.

I'm still going to do this. But, I need to allow myself a little bit of time before starting again. So, I'm looking at this first attempt at sock making (which WAS going very well) as "practice".

When I start this again, I'll at least know the basics of what I'm doing without having to run to the computer, look up a site for instructions, watching videos on how to do this. I have it pretty much down now, so my second attempt should go a little bit faster!

K--that's all for a while!


Sunday, July 20, 2008

So, here it is Sunday already, and what did I get accomplished this weekend?? Did I clean like I told myself I was going to do? Of course not!! A a couple of loads of laundry this afternoon, and that was about it into my ventures of housecleaning.

What I did accomplish was the first part of my very first sock. Now, realize that I have tried this before and failed. I've never gotten so far as past the ribbing for the cuff.

Here's my SAL:

As usual, my picture isn't very good. But, there are cables down the back of heel flap, which is what this is. When I came home from church, I finished this, turned the heel, and now I'm working on the instep of this sock, which also has a cable design. I can hardly believe that I've come this far on this sock!!

I'm almost finished both of my KAL's. I have the instructions for both of them to be finished today, but I put them aside in favor of working on this sock.

And, here's a picture of my little kitty, Miles. Remember, Miles??

He's very hard to take a picture of because he's always on the move. I just happened to catch him waking up from a nap! He is a very actice kitty, but he learned early on that yarn is not a playtoy!

I just received a weather bulletin that we're going to have severe thunderstorms. I can't wait!! I love a good thunderstom. All that power unleashed--reminds me of the fact that God is in power and He is the one in control, not me. No, not me--never. And what happens when I try to control things--that is when they begin to come unraveled!!

K-that's all for a while!

Talk to you tomorrow!


Saturday, July 19, 2008


I received a nice surprise in the mail today--a card from a friend of mine. On the front it says:

You are a daughter of the King, a holy princess, the bride of Christ! That means no matter what your story might be right now, then ending is still "happily ever after"!

The inside says: Be encouraged, God loves you so much and He has a wonderful plan for you!

"I know what I am planning for you," says the Lord. I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future." Jeremiah 29:11

And I think this says it all.


Friday, July 18, 2008

Road Trip

Last Saturday I went on a road trip with two friends to meet another friend. We had an awesome time. Here's some pictures of our adventure:

Here's my friend driving her car. She's my best friend in all this world, but she has the worst sense of direction of anyone I know with the exception of my youngest daughter. We always get lost and have a lot of turn arounds to find our way to where we really want to be. But, we have a wonderful time together, a lot of laughs. And with us getting lost and turning around all the time, we find and discover a lot of things and places that we probably wouldn't have found otherwise.

This past Saturday, we found a place where there is duckpin bowling. I didn't think there was even duckpin bowling in PA. I've only ever heard of this in MD where I grew up. Maybe sometime we'll take another road trip and try this out. Although, I don't know--my high score in bowling is 11!! And I wonder why no one never wanted me on their team.

We finally found our other friend in Hummelstown after calling her for more explicit directions. She knows of this wonderful little yarn shop--you know I had to stop there!

This is a really nice yarn shop, nice helpful owner, and the prices were reasonable. I was looking for yarn for my SAL, and I decided on this:
As you can see, it's called Maizy. It's really soft, a deep rose color. The really awesome thing about this is that it's made with 82% corn fiber and 18% elastic--no baggy socks!!

This shop also takes items on consignment....hmmmmm.....something to think about!!

From there, we went to lunch at The Soda Jerk Diner--a really cool 50's diner--just like being back home in mom's kitchen when I was a little girl. I wanted to take a picture of the absolutely huge ice cream cone they have on top of the building, but the sun was just too bright, and I couldn't see anything at all to take the picture--maybe another time!!

Then on to Hershey to Chocolate World. I haven't been there in ages. Here are some sights from Chocolate World:

What?? Singing cows??

Lots and lots of peanut butter cups!! Took this one for my son
who loves peanut butter cups!!

So, this was my day last Saturday--a whole lot of fun with fun loving people. Sometimes I just wish days like this could never end!

K--that's all for a while!!


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

And here I had made up my mind to post everyday!! Oh, well!! Sometimes things just get out of hand, and I run out of time.

So, I went Saturday and bought some really nice yarn for my socks for my SAL. I haven't started them yet. I need to make sure I have enough concentration in my brain to get these done!!

Started two KAL's, one two days ago and the other today.

And here's a cool thing that I picked up from Aunt Kathy's Place--one of my favorite blogs!! It's a mosaic that you can put together about yourself on Flickr.

Here's how mine turned out:

Across the top: Beth Hart (from the band--spelling just a little different), steamed crabs, an ariel view of Catonsville, MD where I grew up. Next row: blue, Johnny Depp, coffee. Third row: The beach, cheesecake, mother. Last row: Jesus (set me free), friendly, and youneverletgo.
Just answer these questions on a Flickr search. Then pick one image from only the first page of selections. Plug them into the Big Huge Lab Mosaic Maker--and there you have it!!
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush? (I really don't have one, but Johnny Depp comes close!)
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What did you want to be when you grew up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your Flickr account name.
If you make a mosaic, let me know. I'd love to see it!!
Have a wonderful rest of the day!!

Monday, July 7, 2008

For those who are interested, I finished my second KAL this morning before I went to work. Took me a little while to figure out what it actually was. But then I put it down on my bed, went to get ready for work, and when I returned and just glanced at it--VOILA--I knew what it was!!

The picture doesn't actually do justice to the finished project. It's a rocket for the 4th of July!!

Today was very hectic at work since we had a three day weekend. A lot of sick people just waiting until we opened today so they could get an appointment. In fact, I'm not feeling so well tonight myself. So, I'm not going to have to much to say since I'm off to bed (yes, already!) so that I'm able to get up tomorrow and go do the same thing all over again!!

Have a wonderful rest of the evening!


Sunday, July 6, 2008

Well, I see I've fallen behing already!! Time to pick myself up and start blogging on a daily basis. It's good for the soul to write down how you're feeling.

How I've been feeling--I've had a major case of the blahs this weekend--having a little pity party for myself. I've been thinking about how my life is more than half over, how I thought life would be easier at this stage of the game, and it is just not! So, I had to feel a little sad over that for a while.

I'm feeling better now, and I'm just glad that I have enough--just enough--to get by. Sure, some extras here and there would be nice, but not necessary.

So--I finished one of my KAL's. The other will be finished tomorrow when I receive the last rows instructions. Here's a picture of the one that I completed:

Oh, and by the way, I did learn how to wrap and turn which wasn't as complicated as I was thining it was. So, that's another project underway along with how many other projects that are sitting around here uncompleted. I've made a pact with myself--no more starting projects and not completing them. One project at a time. Boy, does that sound boring to me!! But, I do think it will be a little more productive!!

Talk to you tomorrow!!


Thursday, July 3, 2008

Ahhhh!!! The three day weekend at last!! Why does a short work week always seem longer than the usual work week?? Probably because we're looking forward to having three days off in a row.

Today was a different day at work--not nearly as busy--probably a lot of people have already left for their 4th of July festivities, family gatherings and picnics. Some at work left early--that's how slow it was!! Usually, we're running around in full gear trying to get everything accomplished that needs accomplished in a day, and of course, doing all of this with a smile on our faces--at least, most of us have smiles on our faces.

I'm thinking of taking some online courses to complete my degree. I'm very interested in accounting. For some reason, I find all the checks and balances fascinating. I know--it sounds so nerdy, but somebody has to like numbers, and I do.

Knitting--I'm up to date on my two July dishcloth KAL's. I have no idea yet what they are. I've looked and looked at them, from all different angles, and still no idea!! Maybe tomorrow a lightbulb will appear over my head.

I haven't started the other KAL from The Gathering Room with the wrap and turn technique. I'm going to work on that tomorrow when I'm fully alert and relaxed. Nothing worse then trying something new when I don't have all my wits about me!! I really need to learn this because some of my Christmas presents that I'm making also have this in the instructions.

I've also received some news about a Sock A Long--I quess we'll call that SAL. I think I'm going to try that. Socks and I have been trying to get together for some time now. Maybe with just a few lines of instructions everyday and others working on this at the same time will meet with some success in the knitting accomplishment goal of mine!!

Have a wonderful evening, and I'll talk with you tomorrow!!


Wednesday, July 2, 2008


My mind today!! I started out the day listening to the birds singing as the sun came up. And the thought came to me about how many species of birds there are, how each of them have a different song. How creative God is!! He made all of the different birds--so many beautiful colors, so many beautiful songs!!

Then I read a devotional about Jesus walking on the water, and how Peter came to Him also walking on the water--that is until he realized what he was doing and he began to sink. And, Jesus rebuked him for his little faith. I thought about this--was Jesus saying this out of anger or out of love.

This brought to mind the thought of a small toddler, taking his first steps towards his father--the father smiling and laughing with the child--so proud of his child as he takes his first steps. Then the child stops, realizes what he is doing and he falters and falls. Would the father be angry with the child? No, of course not!! He would be proud of this child, taking his first few unsteady steps. Then, he would help him up to try again.

This is the same way God is with us. We take a few steps forward, then we falter and fall. And, God, in His gracious love for us, reaches out His hand, picks us up and propels us forward--growing closer and closer to Him--day by day, moment by moment.

As for my knitting--I'm caught up with 2 of my KAL's and I intend to stay caught up this month. Falling behind in this frustrates me. I have one KAL though that I haven't started yet because I haven't mastered the wrap and turn technique--but I'm practicing. That's what I love about knitting---no matter how much you knit or how much you know, there's always something new to learn, and I love to learn new things!!

Alll for today---

Talk to you tomorrow!


Tuesday, July 1, 2008

New Start

Okay, so here it is the beginning of another month, and I realized that I haven't written anything in almost a month! So, I'm going to try to do better and at least write a little something everyday and see how that goes.

A lot has happened since I've last written. My one and only son was involved in a car accident. Luckily, neither he nor the other driver were injured. But, this required getting another car for him and sharing my car until that happened. He has a car now--needs a little work done--and then out on the road!!

My #1 daughter was in the hospital for several days. The hot and humid weather brought on a terrible asthma attack which entailed two emergency room visits and then admitted. While she was hospitalized, it was discovered that she also has diabetes. A lot for her to deal with, but she seems to be coping, following the doctor's instructions (for a change!), and has made some alterations to her lifestyle to better deal with both the asthma and the diabetes.

My #2 daughter, in Texas, seems to be doing well. She just finished her summer classes and will be coming home the end of July to the beginning of August for a little visit. Then, she won't be home until Christmas.

On the knitting front--I've joined a new group called "The Gathering Room". This is a knitting and crocheting community--started with about 70 some members on the very first day. Everybody is displaying their works of art, and it's a lot of fun to look and see what other people have created, get some new ideas.

Being that it is July 1, I've started my two KAL's for the beginning of July. June kind of feel by the wayside with me just getting over being ill and my daughter becoming ill. Oh, well--the instructions are there if I feel the need to make them.

Not much else going on here today--

Talk to you tomorrow.