Please turn off the playlist at the bottom in order to hear this song....
I was driving home from a friend's last evening when this song came on the radio. As He often does, God spoke to me through the words of this song. I came home and tried to sleep, and the words kept replaying in my head...
Why?? I ask God "why"....
So many hurts and pains from my past....I think I have forgiven...totally forgiven....and then one or two words spoken by another will result in an explosion from me that is totally unrelated to the subject at hand.
Bring into the picture the three children--three innocents--who lived through this with me....four bombs waiting to go off, and go off they do....each in their own hurt and pain....exploding in different actions and words....but denotating upon one another until the hurts are even greater...
And there is one--a bystander to all of this who looks as though the four of us are out of our minds....and we are...
out of our minds with
unresolved conflict
grief
pain
the unjustness
poor choices
lies
lack of trust
insecurity
unforgiveness......
Four lives affected by one person's actions and words.....resulting in more hurts and pains because it is unresolved...
My Father,
Lead me with Your strong hands to be in the place I need to be to forgive those who have hurt me and my children. Keep me in Your love and faithfulness. Help us to forgive each other of the words spoken in frustration and anger....words that speak of the past and not the present...
Beth
2 comments:
Oh I so know what you mean. I sent you a Facebook message with longer thoughts.
Beth-
I love the Lord my God with all of my heart, and I can see you do also. Yet, I say the meanest things sometimes, usually to those who love me most. I get so angry with myself for doing this, then I retreat into my lonely place where I'm sure nobody loves me. I was in that place again this week. This morning I was reading a book called "Jesus Loves Me" by H.L. Roush, Sr. It is about the only real love that exists. How I long to understand this love! This love is revealed to the eyes of every inner man (woman) by faith alone.I'm praying for enough faith to understand this love more fully every day.
This love makes the unacceptable, acceptable; loves what it does not like; never fails or withdraws itself; and continues for all eternity. It is God's love for you!
And for me.
God's love does not depend upon our performance of duty, but rests upon the faithful performance of His Son Jesus Christ.
My prayer and hope for you today is this: that you will do what I am doing now- run to Him who loves you with this only, real, true love that few find and fewer understand. I know with everything that I am, that this is my only defense against every single thing in this life that strives to beat me down.
Best to you today, dear sister in Christ-
Heidi
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